My night at the drag show

Hello beautiful readers. 

Christ almighty do I have a story for you. There's no way to ease my way into this disaster of a tale so I'm just gonna launch right into it. 

My dear friend from high school is a tremendous up-and coming drag queen. His show stopping personality- named Misty- is drop dead fucking gorgeous and comparable to Nicole Kidman.

So my friend Funny Bunn and I went to see Misty perform last night. This was our first time ever at a gay bar and it was a little bit too exciting. We came up with stripper names for one another (of course she is Funny Bunny and I am Honey Bunny, like on the Twitter). We pretended we were a grouchy lesbian couple and commented on how all the men in the bar were prettier than the women.

I was drinking pineapple Bacardis like I was 18 again.

I'm going to be honest and tell you guys that Misty was absolutely amazing. Easily the most talented and gorgeous queen there. Even the host was enamored with her.

Stacy's mom has it going on!

Her pregnancy skit. Hilarious- and gorgeous.

...and a face full of crack-cocaine.

Misty made her own dress for this bit.

I was completely and utterly dumbfounded by how beautiful, talented, and outright amazing his performance was. Er, her performance. Seriously, it was jaw dropping. I have never seen a drag show before (unless of course you count Ru-Paul's Drag Race). I was in a fantastic mood and beaming with pride when we left the bar after midnight. 

Now here's where things started going south.

It was late on Sunday night and I had worked all day. I was tired and knew I had class at 8:00 am the next day. So needless to say I was quite happy to drop my friend off at her car, which she had left in a parking lot so we could take one car. Now because I live way out of town on my little farm, and because she lives waaaaaay in the south end of the city, we had to pick a sort of "half-way" point to meet. Unfortunately, said "half-way" point was in the shady south end of town and it was late and we were dressed for the bar. 

You can imagine our reaction when we discovered that Funny Bunn had left her keys in her ignition, locked in the car. 

well we fucked up.

So we decided that the best course of action would be to sneak into her Dad's house and take the spare key. But of course our story can't end here, so of course her father didn't actually have a spare key. 

So we called AMA and waited in the parking lot. What time frame did they give us for their arrival? 30 minutes to 2 hours. Really? Really? It's 1 in the fucking morning how could it possibly take 2 hours? Send the janitor over with a clothes hanger we can jimmy the door for christ sake. 

except this is us and we're too fucking retarded to break into a car.

We decided to run across the street to the gas station to go pee while we had the chance (because hell knows how long we would have to wait...) 

So it's really freaking late and there's no traffic. We cross one street without a single car going by, but decided to walk a bit up the grass median because there was a fence ahead of us. Of course a fucking cop car pulls up, pulls over, and the window rolls down. Now I'm trippin balls because I was dressed in my old restaurant hostess outfit (short black skirt, black shirt, knee high boots....) and I'm like: 

Oh Christ this cop thinks I'm a prostitute. 

What did he have to say? He friggin barks at me to use a crosswalk. 

GEE THANKS OFFICER. 

Onwards. 

We get to the gas station, and allow me to reiterate that this is a shady part of town and its late and we're dressed for the bar. So of course there's this gross older fellow thats on drugs and/or alcohol hanging around in the dark. He sees us coming and calls to his friend: 

"Hey! We've got a couple of hotties coming over!" 

Well let me tell you I was in no fucking mood. So I said yelled:  

"FUCK OFF"

And he yells over to his friend: "Oh she's coming up fast and she's trouble." Once again, I was in 

no mood. So I snapped at him, I swear to God, "You shut the fuck up I will punch a bitch." And guess what, guys? He actually shut the fuck up. It was glorious. 

 

We walked back to the shady parking lot without another incident, and AMA actually showed up within reasonable timing. So it was after 1:00 when Funny Bunny and Honey Bunny parted ways. It took me over half an hour to drive home and I am happy to announce that it was an uneventful drive. Funny Bunn, however, got a speeding ticket on her way home.  

I was up at 6 for class and alas, here I am, blogging... in class. I'm really good at managing my time in case you were wondering. Ha. I have a ton of work to do before I leave for my trip on Wednesday. I shall end this post here and get to work. 

Have a lovely day, people. Seriously hope your day is better than last night. 

-Captain aka Honey Bunny 

PS: Someone was literally shot in that part of town last night. Nice, eh?