30 Day invisible illness challenge: Day 18

Day Eighteen: 

Something I really miss doing since my diagnosis is: 

Horseback riding 

I've talked about this a fair bit throughout this challenge, because it's a big issue for me. Horseback riding is part of who I am. I am very good at it, and I love doing it. 

Scooter and I in 2012

While I still rode after my diagnosis, I've found that as the disease has spread, it's gotten more and more difficult to ride. I can ride both English and Western style, but I've always preferred English and I love to jump. English riding, and jumping in particular, takes a lot of core strength. I do most of my riding bareback, so staying in 2point position is hard on the abs and legs. This wasn't a problem for me for the longest time, as I was very fit and active. As I've slipped further into my chronic illness, it's become harder and harder to ride. After a workout, whether it be riding horses or doing yoga, I find that I start to bleed heavily and I get terrible cramps and pain.

Me riding a pony named Faith in late August 2011

Riding is something I miss doing, to the point where I can't take it and I hop on my poor retired horse and go for a spin. It's always wonderful, even when he tries to buck me off (this happens more than I'd like to admit-- he knows he's retired and doesn't like going back to work). Even though the feeling of bliss and joy that comes from being on a horse fills my heart with happiness, the pain and bleeding that follows squashes my high spirits. For a school project in 2014, I decided to take a risk and hired an outfitter to take me up into the mountains in North Western Alberta for three days. I took a bottle of Tramadol and a bottle of Tylenol 4, packed some warm layers, and drove North for 7 hours until I reached the outfitter's ranch. We took a total of 4 horses up into the bush, and I researched the impact that forest fire prevention had on local wildlife (if you're interested, you can view my story Where are the Wild Things? here.) The trip was hard on my body, and I found myself trying to dry-swallow Tramacet while riding a horse 6-hours into East Jesus Nowhere.

My guide stopped us on a ridge and pointed out the trees of Wilmore Wilderness Park

The trip was really cool and I produced an article that I am still very proud of. I experienced a fair bit of pain and bleeding on the trip, and believe you me, I was pretty nervous about bleeding like that out in the middle of nowhere with a guide that didn't have a gun in the heart of bear season.

So yes, I do occasionally ride even though my endometriosis is near-debilitating. I just miss doing it on a regular basis. I miss doing it every day. I miss smelling like horses and saddle leather. I miss having hay in my hair and horse snot on my jacket. I miss wearing my worn-in boots, and I miss jumping on my horse and going for a wild gallop. I miss having my heart in my throat as my horse and I approached a 5-foot fence, and I miss the rush and bliss after landing perfectly. 

I will ride again one day. And it will be awesome. 

I'm taking Scooter for a little cruise while wearing plaid slippers.

30 Day invisible illness challenge: Day 7

Day Seven:

My favorite medical TV show is...

Is this a real challenge question? How is this relevant to raising endometriosis awareness? Well, since I've committed to taking the challenge I will of course participate in today's question. 

My favorite medical TV show is: The Incredible Dr. Pol. 

It's about an old Dutch immigrant should-probably-be-retired veterinarian. He's awesome. For surgeries he just tosses anesthetized animals onto a table without an IV line and whips up a surgery in like, ten minutes (I don't actually know but he's awesome).

In all seriousness, Dr. Pol inspires me on my road to becoming a veterinary technician. I'm so excited to go to vet school. Watching Dr. Pol pull calves and suture wounds makes me really happy and inspired. I love animals and I can tell that he loves them too. 

In one episode I got very emotional, as Dr. Pol was called to euthanize a horse. This horse was 28 years old and suffered terribly in the winters because of his arthritis. The euthanasia was performed in the summer while the horse was perfectly healthy. They filmed the entire procedure and I cried. I didn't just cry, I cried. 

kind of like this.

The main reason why this made me so upset was because the case reminded me of my beloved horse, Scooter. He is also in his late 20's, and he also suffers with Arthritis. I do everything I can to make sure he doesn't suffer- he's on a regular Legend shot, and he takes a quarter tablet of Prevacox with his mash every day. Even though I am doing everything in my power to ensure his quality of life, I know that one day my beloved will take that journey. If you've had to make the decision to put a beloved pet to sleep, you know how terribly difficult and heart wrenching it is. I bawled my eyes out during this episode of Dr. Pol because saying goodbye to my wonderful Scooter is easily my very worst fear. 

So, there's my irrelevant answer for today's question. I should hope tomorrow's challenge question is related to my disease and will help to raise awareness.

Scooter really is the best ever.

Happy Gobble Gobble Day

Hello, gorgeous people! 

How is everyone today? For those of you who don't know, today is the Canadian Thanksgiving. 

I love Thanksgiving, partly because autumn is my favorite season, and turkey dinner is my favorite meal. There are few things better than over sized slouchy sweaters, cool fall days, family gatherings, warm food, a bit of wine, and cuddles with loved ones. 

This year, my Boyfriend's Mother's side of the family are the only ones doing anything for Thanksgiving this year. Believe you me, I am very happy and excited to attend. I'll show up for turkey dinner all early with my own portable cutlery set and I will of course be wearing my eating pants. 

me.

Now it is of course thanksgiving, so I would like to share with you what it is I'm thankful for. Following, in no particular order, is... 

The Official List of 

Things that Captain Lakie is Thankful For 

1. My Family 

From left to right: Captain Lakie, Lakie JR, Grandpa Lakie, Lil Lakie, Brother Lakie, August 2012

I know everyone says it, but it's true! I am so thankful for my family! I am ever so thankful for my family as well as my boyfriend's family. They are all so very loving and accepting, and they allow me to be myself. They let me fly my dork flag. They accept me even though I belong in the looney bin. All of you are beautiful and wonderful and I love you all.

2. My Boyfriend

Boyfriend and Scooter, October 2014

I love him. When things aren't going well he does what it takes to make it right. He's caring and devoted and supportive and kind. I am very fortunate to be with this wonderful man. We've learned so much from one another and we're always willing to make our love last. When I'm not feeling well he'll offer to make me a hot water bottle and get me comfortable. He took me to my last surgery, and waited for me at the hospital. At the end of the day we're a team and I wouldn't trade that for anything.    

3. My Dog

Clancey, 7 months old, March 2014

My wee little Clancey is the most loving and forgiving member of my family. I can't tell you enough how much I love that little munchkin. When I'm feeling ill, he knows it and he just cuddles up with me and watches over me while I rest. He is playful and curious, and I would like to see the world through his eyes. This dog loves unconditionally. I can't stop spoiling him... because I work at a pet shop it's very easy for me to come home with presents for him very often! (He deserves them all, of course!)

4. My Horse

Scooter and I, the day we moved the horses to our new property

My horse, Scooter, is the love of my life. He is part of my soul and I love him so very much. We are cheeky partners in crime, and I love how he and I get along so well. Together we are a team and when I'm with my horse I feel peaceful and happy. He has a strong, independent personality, and I admire him very much. He has these soft, kind eyes and when you look at my horse you get the feeling that he has seen so very much in his time. Scooter's history is a mystery to us (we don't even know for sure how old he really is). I treasure each moment I have with my horse. His favorite snack is a banana, and he really is a cheeky monkey. 

5. My Hamsters

Sunny exploring the new back yard, September 2014

I am very thankful for my three hamsters, Sunny, Brave (aka Newman), and Pumpkin. I initially adopted Sunny in 2013 because I am chronically ill and I wanted company while I was in bed. I got Brave because he was very badly injured from his time in the pet store and desperately needed to see a vet. and Pumpkin was given to me as a gift. All three of these fluffy little critters bring me so much joy. I love taking care of them, and I find a lot of joy in caring for them. 

6. My Body

I'm laying on a road.

I have always thought of myself and my body as two separate entities. We look after one another and coexist in a beautiful symbiotic relationship. I believe in souls, and I think that our bodies are simply just the beautiful, fragile shells that we occupy. My body happens to be stuck with an incurable disease called Endometriosis. I've been struggling with pain since I was 13 years old, but it was in 2010 that my condition really started going downhill. My body and I have been through 2 surgeries and a number of harsh and ineffective treatments. The disease has been an enormous challenge. I am very thankful for my body. Even though it deals with severe pelvic inflammation, having multiple internal organs and ligaments bonded together with adhesions, and chronic pain and chronic fatigue, my body still keeps running and looks after me. For that, I am very thankful.   

7. My Home

My very own barn!

This summer, I moved to a small acreage outside of town. I love it because I can keep all my animals together in one place. I am so very grateful and thankful that my horse is safe and sound in my own backyard, has a cozy barn for those cold winter nights, and a lovely pasture with lush green grass to eat. 

8. Animals

This bird decided that we should be friends, August 2014

I'm far from perfect. I am very imperfect, actually. There are a lot of things that I'm not good at, things I'm embarrassed and shy about, and things that I would change. I have a hard time connecting with people, but I can always connect with animals. I am so very thankful that there are animals in this world, so I have a way of expressing and receiving love. Animals do not judge and they accept your for who you are. They know a good heart, and they will love and appreciate you for it. A horse will free your soul, a dog will heal your heart, and ducks just make everything better. I think so, anyways. 

9. My job

Selfie at my old job as a kennel tech. I love taking care of animals!

I complain about it a lot because, frankly, it's boring. But at the end of the day it means I get to educate people on how to properly feed their animals. I teach people how to feed their dogs and cats food to give them a long, happy, healthy life. I like helping people solve their pets' health issues, and it feels really good knowing that people love their pets and are willing to take proper care of them. By feeding your pets healthy food, you're giving them the best chance at life. I like being the person that teaches pet owners how to feed their animals a nourishing diet. That's pretty damn cool!

10. Self Expression

I express individuality through snapchat and hamsters, among other things.

 

Before I composed this post, I was reading through my last blog, The Cinema Club and I was thinking about how fortunate I am to be able to express myself. I am thankful that I am able to use writing and humor as a means of emotional release. I am also so very grateful that my family and friends allow me to be myself. That is very important, and we really should not overlook such a beautiful gift.

That's all for today. Time to go eat some Turkey!

Cheers,

Captain Lakie, the Silly Mallard

I express myself a whole lot more over on the twitter. Follow me? @CaptainLakie

   

 

 

 

  

  

 

Back to civilization!

Hello everyone! 

I am happy to report that I survived my trip to the Albertan wilderness! I am now warm and showered, tucked away in my bed with my little yorkie dog by my side. 

My three day trip in yellowhead county was really cool. Cool, like, it was cold. But it was also really awesome. We're getting a gorgeous Indian Summer here in Alberta, which I love. It's the 11th of October today and it got to be 20 degrees Celsius in the mountains. What!? That's incredible.
I mean the weather was all over the place. We had frost, some rain, sunshine... typical for the Rocky Mountains. 

we get pretty sunrises and shit

So I went on this 3 day trip to do some documentation for a huge class project. While I will not disclose the angle I'm taking on my article online just yet, I will be happy to share some pictures from my trip!

Now, it's important to note that my guide owns a family owned outfitting company that usually takes large groups on these mountain tours. He was extremely nice and took just me out when the season was technically over. I though this would be perfect and fantastic because I'm essentially allergic to humans. Realistically this meant that dinners with the guide and his wife were super awkward. Like super quiet awkward silence. The sounds of clinking utensils on plates was deafening. 

I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start from the beginning!

Day 1:  Wednesday, October 8

I got up at 5:00 am to drive 6 hours to Brule, Alberta, where my outfitter is based. My drive was uneventful and absolutely beautiful. I am convinced that I live in the most beautiful province in the world.The Rocky Mountains are breathtaking. I started my drive in the dark, and drove through the mountains as the sun rose. It was absolutely stellar. When I was in Jasper, I caught a glimpse of an enormous elk buck laying in a thicket. About an hour or so later, I slowed down to look at another large buck, this one walking along the side of the road. 

The Canadian version of having an amazing rack

I am absolutely kicking myself for not stopping my damn car, getting out, and actually taking a good picture. Realistically, this was a cool opportunity. It's not every day you get to see an elk (or wapiti, if I'm going to be correct here) with such a gorgeous, full rack. 

Random fun fact: in the UK, "elk" is what they call moose. 

Here in the great white north, we call our Wapiti, elk. Because we like to make things complicated for the tourists. 

Really, though. Wapiti is the correct term for these critters. They're super cool. What's even cooler is the sound they make, called "bugling". 




When I arrived at the ranch, I met my guides. After eating lunch in their house, signing a waiver form, it was time for me to pay for the trip. The guide's wife was kinda funny about it, and was like, "do you have your wallet with you? You'll be paying with visa, right? If you give me your card now I'll just run it through online." This trip literally broke the bank for me, but who actually wants people to know that they're super poor? So I told her to wait one moment, I would go out and grab my card. When I handed her my visa I was like:

After the money part was taken care of we loaded the horses into the trailer and started the first leg of our journey. Lucky for me, the guide's wife had a little Australian shepherd dog named "Tri." I prefer canine company to human company, so I was perfectly happy to have this little thing sitting in the back seat with me.

she was my best friend during the trip

We hauled the horses up north a bit, then our adventure began. On the trip we took 4 horses with us. All 4 of them were Percheron crosses, all mares. My guide rode Belle, his wife was on her horse Fashion, I rode Moon, and the pack horse's name is Taeo. We rode for about 4 hours on a relatively steep incline, deep into the bush. 

I am a weathered rider, but believe you me my ass was damn sore at the end of that ride. The western saddles we rode in were well used and hard. I'm not accustomed to western saddles, as I usually ride bareback.

The view was absolutely gorgeous, and it was cold outside. I really enjoyed the whole thing, to be honest. 

my view up the mountain

at the base of the mountain there were lots of aspen thickets and saplings

my favorite photo from the trip, this pretty much sums it all up.

our view of the valley as we climbed up the mountain

When we got to the cabins, I was tired (a full day of traveling, first by car then on horseback!) and I was well ready to get into bed. It was freezing up there...! The cabins were in a small clearing in the forest, completely inaccessible by truck. I was under the impression that the cabins were unheated, so I pretty much fell over when my guide said that he would "get me fired up," (meaning of course light the heater in my cabin). 

there seems to be a horse standing outside my window.

this is where I lived for 3 days

  

Small cabin, but I had about 40 roommates. Not even kidding or exaggerating. I literally had about 40 fucking flies in there with me. I didn't even know flies existed in October. The cabin was freezing when we arrived, but after the heater had been turned on, suddenly the whole damn room was filled with the deafening BZZZBZZZZBZZZ of 40 flies just waking up from their winter slumber. I hate flies. I'm utterly terrified of bees, so anything that makes a buzzing sound is scary to me and I don't like it. I initially started smacking flies with the readers digest magazine that was on my windowsill, but I didn't like being that close to those creepy little fuckers while I kill them I have an irrational fear of them touching me.. seriously. So I ran over to the main cabin where the guide and his wife were staying, and I asked them if they had a fly swatter. They pointed to where it was. I snatched that thing up, now armed and prepared to commit massive fly murder. I wasn't able to kill all of them, as these things just kinda came out of no where and multiplied of something. So I had to deal with those stupid, filthy, shit mongering assholes for the entire trip.

Day 2:  Thursday, October 9

Day 2 was my favorite day out of the whole trip. After breakfast, the guide took just me for a ride. Oddly enough, when it was just he and I and the dog, he chatted quite a bit more than he did when his wife was present. We rode well up the mountain on Thursday, and we had the most gorgeous weather. See, I love autumn for a number of reasons. First of all, I love the colors and the smells. I also love how you get a mix of different conditions. The morning was cold and grey, and it was almost eerie when we walked out horses through the fallen leaves and ventured out into the grey mist. By afternoon, the sky was bright clear blue and it was hot out, like 20 degrees Celsius.

my guide and his horse, Belle. We stopped to fix a barbed wire fence at the beginning of our ride.

The ride up the mountain was gorgeous and peaceful. We saw a chickadee (one of my most favorite animals ever) and a pair of grouse. Unfortunately that was all we saw for wildlife the entire trip (more on that later). I was chipper and excited day 2, so I took a lot of pictures.

"Magnificent Moon"

Failed attempt at a selfie.

We stopped for lunch on "paradise ridge," a gorgeous spot over looking the surrounding mountain range, Wilmore Park and the valley below. 

Belle grazing on our lunch break.

my guide, Tom, and half of Moon's head.

my lunch buddy. I pulled her onto my lap to help keep me warm.

The view from paradise ridge

The ride down the mountain was actually my favorite part of the Day 2 ride. We did a bit of the descent through the forest. The horses took their time picking their way down the rocky path, and I was very impressed with how clever they were about where they stepped. Belle seemed to be better at her job, as she didn't trip and did it at a good speed. Moon, however, was about as clumsy as I am (she full on wiped out twice) and she had two speeds: slow and slower. 

At one point, it got so steep that we had to dismount and lead the horses down the narrow winding slope. Allow me to share the photos that ensued.

Moon says: "I don't wanna."

Tom and Belle leading the way

Moon: "maybe if I hide behind this tree she won't see me"

Bell's bum

Moon: "are you @#$%ing serious right now"

Moon: "excuse me but I'm a princess."

Moon: "If I must..."

Belle is such a good girl.

Tom thinks I'm weird...

Even the cowboy and his Belle stumbled a bit down this path

Of course I wiped out pretty hard.

me: "MOON MOVE YOUR ASS." Moon: "NO."

Yay we made it!

Of course my endometriosis acted up a bit on the trip, and I experienced quite a bit of pain on our way down the path. When my body experiences too much pain, I just kinda vomit. So of course we're like, 10 minutes into our descent and I just started shaking and threw up the lunch that I just ate... I wasn't too happy about that. But walking down the slope was a blast (by walking down the slope I mean falling down the slope and dragging Moon down along with me). I was happy when we got to the forest below and mounted back up for the rest of our ride. We lost a lot of altitude and it was hot in the aspen forest. I didn't have to wear my toque and winter jacket, so I felt nice and light.

POV on my magnificent Moon

Riding through the sunshine

Dinner that night was super awkward. Although, there was cheesecake for dessert so I was stoked about that. But there was hardly a dinner conversation so I was happy to take my pain killers and visit with the animals.

Taeo is such a pretty girl!

Little Tri, nicknamed "Piglet" was my best friend on that trip.

Day 3:  Friday, October 10

The last day was all about riding back out to our starting point. No scenic route, no tour, just get on your horse and take the shortcut back to the truck and trailer.  Poor Taeo had a heavy load on the way down, as the guides were closing down for the season and had some stuff to take back. 

Taeo knows what's coming...

I'm getting Moon all ready to go

Taeo taking a drink in the creek

I love it

I'm not the type of person to get homesick. On the contrary, I love travel and adventure and I love flying from the seat of my pants. I believe that's how that expression goes. However, this trip was so awkward that when we got back to the ranch I was dismissed rather quickly and I wasn't inclined to stay long. I got into my car and got the hell out of dodge. The drive through the mountains was gorgeous of course! I wish I could just travel forever, always. No work no school, just travel.