Bleeding disorder // fruit on the bottom yogurt

Hello, everyone!

This is my first non-challenge blog post in the month of March. First and foremost, I want to say thank you, so much, to everyone that's been reading my blog and offering their support. 

I was at my specialist last Thursday, and after talking about the different treatments I've been on, and how my body has been responding (or, rather, not responding) to treatments. Doc frowned and he wondered if perhaps I have a blood disorder. I was of course alarmed to hear this. But he seems to think I may have a disorder that makes it so my blood cannot clot properly. Because I literally cannot stop bleeding. Vaginal hemorrhaging is an issue I deal with for days, sometimes weeks on end. Every month. All the time. No matter what treatment I'm on. After a physical exam, Doc determined that physically, I seem sound, so perhaps the culprit is my blood. He wrote up a referral for a number of different blood tests, the most daunting on the list being the coagulation tests, including closure time. 

That just looked plain old scary to me. Closure time. And I had to be at an outpatient lab at the hospital to have the test done. GOOD LORD. I had to leave class early on Friday and had my boyfriend take me to the hospital. We got into the lab without having to wait (this is a shocker, an absolute first in the realm of Canadian Health Care). 

I had to sit down in this goofy chair while a male tech (pretty sure his name was Eduardo or something) prepped the needles. 

I just want to get something straight here: 
I'm not scared of needles. I don't fucking like them, but I'm not scared of them. 

I have little arms and "bad veins" and I was also dehydrated at the time. Eduardo put the turniquet on my arm and had me make a fist 

(I'm good at making fists-- DANIELLE ANGRY! DANIELLE SMASH!!!)

Next, he put in the needle. Uncomfortable, but I can deal. He couldn't get any blood. So he wiggled the needle around a little. This didn't feel very good, and suddenly I got nauseous. He took the needle out of my left arm, then put it in again, in the same place. I started sweating profusely, and by the time he had taken the needle out again, my ears were ringing so bad that I couldn't hear anything other than the goddamn ringing sound. I was scoping out the room for something to throw up in, then Eduardo stuffed the needle in my right arm. 

My face during Eduardo's first needle attempt:

My face after the 2nd poke:

Stupid Eduardo.

After he stuck the needle in a 3rd time:

 

Stupid Eduardo couldn't get any blood out, so he handed me over to his co-worker. I really wasn't feeling (or looking) good at this point, and I think the nurse could see it because she asked if I was ok. She asked if I would like to lie down, and my exuberant reply was "oh could I!?" 

Just so everyone knows, laying down during a blood test really helps reduce the feeling of faintness and nausea.

So the she-tech brought boyfriend and I over to a reclining chair, where I made myself comfortable and handed over my right arm. Yet another poke. She asked my poor unsuspecting boyfriend if he could tie the tourniquet around my right arm, to which he awkwardly agreed. So with a needle deep in my right arm and my boyfriend bent over me tying an elastic around my bicep, I tried to put myself in my happy place. 

My happy place:

So the lady tech, more competent that stupid Eduardo, managed to draw about 5 syringes of blood (I was too dizzy to actually count). And that was it. I was genuinely surprised, as I figured the dreaded closure time test would involve them bleeding me dry or something. Nope. Easy peasy. Just a good old regular blood test. 

This is genuinely how I expected the Closure Time test would go. 

But with more blood spurts.

 

David gave me a pat on the back (actually) when we were done, and asked if it was really all that bad. I had sore, achy arms for days following the test, but surprisingly, my arms didn't bruise! I have been prescribed a daunting drug called Cyklokapron, or Tranexamic Acid. This will supposedly stop the hemorrhaging when it occurs. Though common side effects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and dizziness.  

Also, this delightful drug may cause vision changes, chest/jaw/left arm pain, sudden shortness of breath, coughing up blood, fainting, pain/swelling/warmth in the groin/calf, swelling/weakness/redness/pain in the arms/legs, confusion, slurred speech, weakness on one side of the body, vision changes, change in amount of urine. This was all taken from the Mednotes sheet I got from the pharmacist. Really not sure if this is a drug I want to take...!

HMMM. Let's weight the options here. 

Hemorrhaging... 

...or the above side effects/potential death.

TOUGH CHOICE.

Completely unrelated, but (in my opinion) relevant, is the matter of fruit on the bottom yogurt. I believe it is in our best interest to discuss this matter. Because I have a problem with it. 

 

Why is fruit on the bottom advertised as this amazing thing!? It's gross! It's lazy! Why not just mix the fruit in with the rest of the yogurt! That's what we're all going to do anyways? What the hell, yogurt companies? Why? WHY? What's so grand about fruit on the bottom??? 

Fruit on the bottom yogurt is stupid. Not only does one make an enormous mess while trying to mix this damn stuff together, but if you try to eat the gross fruit syrup crap on its own, it tastes like mushy fruit and pectin and gross. 

How I look when I accidentally buy fruit on the bottom yogurt and I'm forced to eat it:

And what's with the women in yogurt commercials? Their reactions to fruit on the bottom yogurt are faker than the orgasms in porn. 

I need your input on this disturbing matter. Do you like fruit on the bottom yogurt? Do you cum harder than a porn star when you eat fruit on the bottom yogurt? The comment box is below this post.

Discuss.

Can I has home please?

Hello everyone! 

I mentioned a little while ago that Boyfriend and I will be moving into our first home together, which is really just the house upstairs the basement that boyfriend is currently living in. This home, which I have dubbed Magical Upstairs Land, seems unattainable. The Landlord hasn't given us any updates on when we can start moving in. We know that it's vacant upstairs (we may have peeked through a window), but we haven't a clue when we'll get a key. It's starting to get outright stressful. Boyfriend and I are both graduating from our post-secondary programs this April, and our workloads are heavy. Boyfriend has an enormous project to finish, plus a number of paper, projects, and assignments. I myself have a number of assignments to do, editing student's work for the online paper every Friday, and I need to have a practicum from March through April. 

What I'm trying to say is.... can we start moving already?! It'll just feel really good when we can have a place to go home to and call our own. I really can't wait for that! I've been wanting my own home for years. Now that I'll be able to have that- with my beloved Boyfriend- it feels amazing. See why I'm getting impatient? Plus I can't wait for us to adopt a kitten together. The Landlord is not ok with cats, but I'm hoping I can butter him up a little... I've grown up with cats my whole life, but I've never once owned a kitten. I'm desperate to have my own kitten, and I know Boyfriend wants one too. While I am more of a dog person, a puppy is out of the question for us right now. First and foremost, dogs are so expensive, and they're a lot of work. Plus, I will be moving out of town in a couple years to study to be a veterinary technician. It just wouldn't be fair to boyfriend (or me!) if I had to move away and leave him with a dog. Not cool. But a kitty would be perfect! Cross your fingers for us- or, if you have any ways of buttering up landlords making them allow cats, please share this information with me. 

Because I don't want to let go of this part of my life: 

 
I promise that once I have photos of Magical Upstairs Land I will share them with you. In the meantime, if you want to see my decorating inspiration, feel free to check out my Pinterest. Just click on the P icon on the right side of my webpage.

Responsibilities and colonoscopies

Hello, everyone

I'm fairly sure that I'm the only person on this planet that can complain about a week off school.
I'm telling you guys, it didn't feel like much of a break. My boyfriend was incredibly busy the whole time, and I felt a bit neglected.

Trying to catch my boyfriend's attention like so.

Really though, I was proud of my boyfriend for being productive over reading week. I know I was far from productive. I'm not very good at this whole "adult" thing, and I spent my week ignoring my responsibilities. Then I got depressed over not having anything done and that lead me to further neglect my to-do list.

I see my responsibilities and I'm like: 

 Today I've been feeling a bit miserable. I've had a cold sweat on and off all day. I'm sweaty, achy, feverish, and sore. That, of course, make it hard to focus on doing any school work. On the topic of endometriosis, I would like to share this video I found on the twitter. I implore you to watch it, as it offers a peek into life with endometriosis. 

Endometriosis is an absolute champ at wreaking havoc in one's life. In my experience, weird, scary shit is thrown my way. Some thing have become the norm. Daily pain, cramps, headaches, sleeplessness, leg pain, irregular bleeding, nausea, and vomiting are now "normal." Things that aren't yet normal include peeing blood and, er, well, bleeding from other areas. I was so freaked out that I called my doctor today and booked an appointment to discuss having a colonoscopy. 

Doesn't that just sound swell? 

This isn't something that I'm particularly happy to share out here on the interwebs, but here's the thing. Nobody really knows about endometriosis. Those that do know of the disease aren't aware of misery that accompanies this disease. Endometriosis is so often labeled as "bad period pain," even by doctors.  It's my mission (and the mission of many women with the disease) to raise awareness for this chronic illness. 

What better way to raise awareness for a disease than have a whole month dedicated to the damn thing? March is Endometriosis Awareness Month. Wear yellow on Thursdays and during the month of March to show your support.

Test driving our fancy new Internet

I am not an inbetweener. There is no halfway with me. I either really like something or I hate it. I am either ecstatic or cranky. I am either stressed out of my mind or I'm rainbows and carelessness. 

This morning I was in an absolute state over having a Telus installation guy in our home without my boyfriend present. I was so nervous that I composed an entire blog post about the event. Well, after I got it through my head that he's here to bring me Internet and fancy TV, things turned out to be ok. My stress evaporated and Yuri and I talked about his immigration to Canada and we even spoke in Russian together. (By that I mean I used my one funny Russian joke then looked clueless when he actually talked to me in Russian). So now I'm feeling awesome because I faced my fear of being alone with a stranger and now I have quick internet and fancy TV. 

OMG SUCH FANCY TV.

Boyfriend and Brother Lakie are stoked over the 50 mB download speed and fibreoptikness (???) but I'm just amazed that I can- get this- record TV shows. I'll never miss another episode of Chopped again! 

AND I CAN WATCH HOCKEY!!!

OMFG YES!

So I am currently eating celebratory onion rings and waiting to take my tramadol. 

See, while Yuri (new BFF) was here, my pain got pretty bad and I spent some time vomiting while he was installing a modem in the other room. Yikes. Last night my pain was particularly bad too, to the point where my jaw chattered every time I tried to roll over or put pressure on my tummy (last time I recall pain shivering like that was in the hospital in September). 

And this is where my dilemma begins. I have no appetite. I feel nauseous and sick and sore, and the last thing I want to do is put food in my face. But I also want Tramadol. But I don't want to take Tramadol on an empty stomach (#BadIdea). What's a girl to do? Onion rings. Onion rings is the solution.

So it's safe to say that life is pretty good right now. I have fancy TV and onion rings. 

I feel so... Upper Class. 

 

Depot day & mail-order Moroccan husbands

Good morning. 

Today is Depot Day. Translated, that means, giant intramuscular needle in my ass cheek day. Yahoo.

I also just discovered that Tim Hortons made my breakfast sandwich on an english muffin instead of a biscuit. 

So now I'm eating my breakfast all pissed off like:

 

AND I forgot to grab ketchup to go with my hashbrown. 

Man I better win something on this roll up the rim. 

On this gloomy, foggy, snowy winter day in Alberta, my classmate discovered that mail-order Moroccan husbands are available. Just in case you were wondering. 

Last night I had a dream about my endometriosis. I never really dream about the damn disease, normally if I'm sore in my sleep I'll dream that I've been shot or something. But last night I dreamed that my ultrasound results showed the endometriosis (which, I must add, is rare/unheard of). In my dream I was able to clearly see the disease covering my ovaries, tubes, and the inside of my pelvis. It was gross and disturbing. And a friendly reminder that there's no cure for this disease.

Wish me luck on my ass needle today.

Writer's Block

I love to write and 99% of the time I have something to say (relevant or not). But now I have a column assignment due today. I've been excited for this assignment because I am enamored with literature. You don't get to do creative writing in journalism, which pains me. Column writing is as close as we'll get to literature in journalism, so I am quite excited. So why can't I think of anything to write??? 

 I'm just staring at a blank word document like:

I got nothin'. 

What's a girl to do? Writer's block is the worst. My pain killers aren't helping the matter either. This period from hell is keeping up, and the cramps are ridiculous. That, plus tramadol (which is supposed to fix the problem) = serious brain fog. 

ANGELS OF CREATIVE WRITING PLEASE COME FORTH AND AID ME IN MY COLUMN ASSIGNMENT!

I'll let you know how this one plays out.

Squaaaaaats!

Good morning everyone, 

I am in a horrible mood today. Why? 
On Sunday I had the brilliant idea of doing a 100 rep squat challenge. Fuck. Considering I just started working out again a few short days ago, this was a bad idea. I was able to do the challenge without much of a problem (or so I thought). Turns out, I did my squats completely wrong, so now it's my thighs (quads) that are KILLING ME. Seriously. I struggle to get up and down the stairs and sitting down is too hard. What have I done??? Stupid. 

How I'm walking right now.

I've also learned that these workouts aren't doing my endo pain any good. The yoga feels pretty good but it's triggering my bowel endo and that's no fun. Is it worth it? I'm not sure yet. 

I have been adjusting my diet, and that's going well. I've been depressed so I'm not inclined to eat. When I do eat I'm doing well at picking healthier things. Plus I've added more veggies to my diet and it's pretty awesome. At least that is going well. Any improvement in my endo symptoms? Nope. I remain hopeful (but skeptical). 

I'm feeling completely blue. I'm a bit behind on my school work. I've been having some family issues lately and I feel like a complete and total mess. Sigh. I want to skip school to sleep. Just sleep, forever. Oh yes.

Throwback Thursday: Who's That Chick?

Hello, pretty people! How is everyone today? 

I've been stuck in this rut these past couple weeks. I've been in quite a bit of pain, as my endometriosis has flared considerably. I feel unattractive and just so very bleh. Every morning I look at myself in the mirror like: 

Really. I'm somewhat convinced that I'm gross and old and doomed to be sore for the rest of forever. How downer is that? Pathetic, really. 

I reached a new low today when I paid $206 for Botox at the pharmacy. Yes, Botox. My specialist wants to botox my tummy, because apparently that will help with my chronic allodynia. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that those injections will freeze the nerves enough to provide me with some relief. It had better... that was pretty expensive and I'm far from rich. 

I totally fell of the wagon when it came to my diet, and recently I've been inspired to go back on said diet. For a number of reasons. First and foremost, I stumbled upon this picture of me from a couple of years ago, when I was studying at the University of Calgary:

I miss my hair. And my body.

My jaw dropped when I saw how skinny I was. I miss that body, quite a bit. I took that photo when I was trying on new sweatpants. I obviously couldn't find a pair that fit. 

Not only do I miss that body, but I miss that hair. It was so long! And so red! So very #ThrowbackThursday

Unfortunately that photo was taken at a time when I was severely heartbroken and unhealthy. I was that skinny because I was undergoing treatment for my endometriosis which had me bleeding heavily for months on end, and I was so weak I would faint while going up and down the stairs. 

So obviously I don't want to look severely ill again. But I would certainly like to slim down and get down to 105lbs.

I would also love to have that long hair again! I'm in the process of growing mine out right now (slowly but surly) and I'm dying it cherry red again on Saturday. How exciting.

My boss is an enigma.

Hello, people!

This is potentially the shortest oddest post I'll ever put up on my blog, but what just happened is so weird and funny that I need to share.

My boss, the owner of the pet store I work at, is an interesting fellow. 
Imagine a tornado. This is my boss.
Seriously, he looks like he's just walked through a wind tunnel and when he's in the store I just follow behind him cleaning up the mess he leaves in his tornado wake. (Bless you, sir, you're hilarious). The other day the poor guy thought he was having a heart attack (no he just had a coffee on 2hrs of sleep). So now that you have a general idea of what my boss is like, let me tell you what he just did. 

He drove all the way to the store from hell knows where, pops in, says "Hey Danie I brought you a present," then puts a juice box down on the counter. Before I can even open my mouth to say anything he's like "oh shoot," and looks at the box before saying "oh good it has a straw." 

Seriously. 

Here's the proof: 

Thanks? 

Weirdest thing ever. He literally just came in to give me a juice box. 

Possibly the most adorable thing that's ever happened but so so weird. This guy is hilarious. Needless to say his juice box visit literally made my day. My whole day is made. Thanks, Boss! 

-Captain Lakie, the Silly Mallard

Winter is Here

Hello, Everybody. How are you guys? 

Let me tell you something. Winter has arrived in my province. Seriously. We skipped fall, and full on just launched into winter. And I'm not fibbing or exaggerating. I can prove it! 

This is a photo of my yard. In September. Early September.

See? Snow. The leaves haven't even turned yellow yet.  

We literally skipped the most beautiful time of year and just started this bullshit we call "winter". 

Seriously, what is this witchcraft? I'm a bad Canadian and I forgot to keep a snow brush in my car, so I had to use my fucking sleeve to wipe four inches of snow off my car after work yesterday. As the week went on the snow got worse and everyone in the city including the news papers were referring to this month as "Snowtember". In all honesty it looks like some tree-hating giant went through the city and just trashed all of our trees. There are branches and broken tree limbs littering the streets. ALL BECAUSE OF SNOW. FEET UPON FEET UPON FEET OF SNOW. This is why I take happy pills. 

So work at a Pet Store (thus my name, The Cranky Pet Store Girl). Because winter had reared its ugly head, it's time to start stocking up on doggie booties and coats and shit like that. Which means that I had to re-merch an entire section of the shop. It took six hours, but I'm rather pleased with the result. Allow me to share pictures because I'm proud.

I stripped this display wall of chuck-its and dog booties...

I like making messes!

Isn't it gorgeous? Doggie booties and apparel all arranged by size!

A close-up of my beautiful work. *sniff* so amazing.

It took a while for me to get the chuck-its organized to my liking.

SO MANY PRODUCTS!

Leashes and collars all arranged neatly. I win!

Among the new stock were these adorable little doggie rain coats by RC. They're seriously so cute that I had to buy one for Clancey. Of course I got him the rubber ducky one. 

I love my dog.

These rain coats are so fantastic for a number of reasons, so I can't help but share why I love them. I mean first and foremost they're adorable. They come in a number of patterns and sizes to suit any dog and owner. Here are some of the patterns that we ordered for the shop: 

 

photo from www.rcpets.com

    

photo from www.rcpets.com

photo from www.rcpets.com

Another cool feature is that they fold up into these little waterproof packets that clip right onto your leash. 
I'm pretty thrilled right now because I've been working my ass off, cleaning the shop and making it look good. I've been re-merchandising piece by piece, and recently re-did the back room and even organized our raw freezer. Now if only I could keep my own home that clean...

-Captain Lakie 

First ever eBay purchase

My first ever eBay purchase- the story of the ugliest boots you've ever seen.

The title of this post really does just explain it all. I went shopping on eBay for the first time in my life and I bought the cutest/ugliest pair of boots ever created. They're like uggs but they have deer on them. I think they're insanely cute but I can also understand how some would find them ugly as sin. Let me show you a picture so you can decide for yourself!

see? simultaneously the cutest and ugliest booties ever.

This is the colour I got

I am (not so patiently) waiting for them to arrive. I figured at $10 it was a relatively risk free experiment.

I've been a very bad girl...

I know, I know... I just posted. But here's the thing- it's Saturday morning and I'm trapped at work. I've been open for one whole hour and I've only had 3 customers come in. See? I'm bored. Plus, I like to write (and talk). I talk when I don't even have anything to say. I guess I do the same with writing. And there's no better place to dump my rampant thoughts than on my own blog. So here we go. 

I start up my final year of Journalism school on Tuesday. I am less than enthused, as I find balancing work, social life, and school to be very stressful. Throw a chronic illness into the mix and the whole thing can get a bit overwhelming. There is however one thing that I love about back to school.... And that's back to school shopping. I just love to shop, period. Funny habit for a girl with no money. 

The other day I discovered the Tide Store (www.tidestore.com) and they have some seriously cute clothes. And I was in bed and on some pain killers so I was feeling a bit whoopsie. And I may have bought some things. I'm a bad girl. Here's what I got! 

I got the white one 

My only concern with my purchase is that the models they have wearing these clothes are these tiny skinny little Asian women. I am not a tiny little Asian woman. I mean I have a tiny little waist and bony ribs, but I have a butt, hips, and thunder things. So naturally I'm seriously concerned that the jeans won't fit. 

I'll be sure to post when my clothes come in and give you all a review on the Tide Store. In the meantime, maybe cross your fingers for me and pray that my jeans will fit over my ass. 

Until next time (likely later today if business keeps on being this slow...) 

-Captain Lakie