This is my first non-challenge blog post in the month of March. First and foremost, I want to say thank you, so much, to everyone that's been reading my blog and offering their support.
I was at my specialist last Thursday, and after talking about the different treatments I've been on, and how my body has been responding (or, rather, not responding) to treatments. Doc frowned and he wondered if perhaps I have a blood disorder. I was of course alarmed to hear this. But he seems to think I may have a disorder that makes it so my blood cannot clot properly. Because I literally cannot stop bleeding. Vaginal hemorrhaging is an issue I deal with for days, sometimes weeks on end. Every month. All the time. No matter what treatment I'm on. After a physical exam, Doc determined that physically, I seem sound, so perhaps the culprit is my blood. He wrote up a referral for a number of different blood tests, the most daunting on the list being the coagulation tests, including closure time.
That just looked plain old scary to me. Closure time. And I had to be at an outpatient lab at the hospital to have the test done. GOOD LORD. I had to leave class early on Friday and had my boyfriend take me to the hospital. We got into the lab without having to wait (this is a shocker, an absolute first in the realm of Canadian Health Care).
I had to sit down in this goofy chair while a male tech (pretty sure his name was Eduardo or something) prepped the needles.
I just want to get something straight here:
I'm not scared of needles. I don't fucking like them, but I'm not scared of them.
I have little arms and "bad veins" and I was also dehydrated at the time. Eduardo put the turniquet on my arm and had me make a fist
(I'm good at making fists-- DANIELLE ANGRY! DANIELLE SMASH!!!)
Next, he put in the needle. Uncomfortable, but I can deal. He couldn't get any blood. So he wiggled the needle around a little. This didn't feel very good, and suddenly I got nauseous. He took the needle out of my left arm, then put it in again, in the same place. I started sweating profusely, and by the time he had taken the needle out again, my ears were ringing so bad that I couldn't hear anything other than the goddamn ringing sound. I was scoping out the room for something to throw up in, then Eduardo stuffed the needle in my right arm.
My face during Eduardo's first needle attempt:
My face after the 2nd poke:
 |
| Stupid Eduardo. |
After he stuck the needle in a 3rd time:
Stupid Eduardo couldn't get any blood out, so he handed me over to his co-worker. I really wasn't feeling (or looking) good at this point, and I think the nurse could see it because she asked if I was ok. She asked if I would like to lie down, and my exuberant reply was "oh could I!?"
Just so everyone knows, laying down during a blood test really helps reduce the feeling of faintness and nausea.
So the she-tech brought boyfriend and I over to a reclining chair, where I made myself comfortable and handed over my right arm. Yet another poke. She asked my poor unsuspecting boyfriend if he could tie the tourniquet around my right arm, to which he awkwardly agreed. So with a needle deep in my right arm and my boyfriend bent over me tying an elastic around my bicep, I tried to put myself in my happy place.
My happy place:
So the lady tech, more competent that stupid Eduardo, managed to draw about 5 syringes of blood (I was too dizzy to actually count). And that was it. I was genuinely surprised, as I figured the dreaded closure time test would involve them bleeding me dry or something. Nope. Easy peasy. Just a good old regular blood test.
This is genuinely how I expected the Closure Time test would go.
But with more blood spurts.
David gave me a pat on the back (actually) when we were done, and asked if it was really all that bad. I had sore, achy arms for days following the test, but surprisingly, my arms didn't bruise! I have been prescribed a daunting drug called Cyklokapron, or Tranexamic Acid. This will supposedly stop the hemorrhaging when it occurs. Though common side effects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and dizziness.
Also, this delightful drug may cause vision changes, chest/jaw/left arm pain, sudden shortness of breath, coughing up blood, fainting, pain/swelling/warmth in the groin/calf, swelling/weakness/redness/pain in the arms/legs, confusion, slurred speech, weakness on one side of the body, vision changes, change in amount of urine. This was all taken from the Mednotes sheet I got from the pharmacist. Really not sure if this is a drug I want to take...!
HMMM. Let's weight the options here.
Hemorrhaging...
...or the above side effects/potential death.
TOUGH CHOICE.
Completely unrelated, but (in my opinion) relevant, is the matter of fruit on the bottom yogurt. I believe it is in our best interest to discuss this matter. Because I have a problem with it.
Why is fruit on the bottom advertised as this amazing thing!? It's gross! It's lazy! Why not just mix the fruit in with the rest of the yogurt! That's what we're all going to do anyways? What the hell, yogurt companies? Why? WHY? What's so grand about fruit on the bottom???
Fruit on the bottom yogurt is stupid. Not only does one make an enormous mess while trying to mix this damn stuff together, but if you try to eat the gross fruit syrup crap on its own, it tastes like mushy fruit and pectin and gross.
How I look when I accidentally buy fruit on the bottom yogurt and I'm forced to eat it:
And what's with the women in yogurt commercials? Their reactions to fruit on the bottom yogurt are faker than the orgasms in porn.
I need your input on this disturbing matter. Do you like fruit on the bottom yogurt? Do you cum harder than a porn star when you eat fruit on the bottom yogurt? The comment box is below this post.
Discuss.
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