Throwback Thursday on Friday

I know it's Friday, but after discovering Facebook's new "memories" feature, I'm having a throwback Thursday. Because apparently Thursday is the designated day of the week for reminiscence. I'm poking through ancient Facebook albums, from my University of Calgary days and beyond. 
Care to join me? 

Who is Ross and why are there library books on his project shelf? 

That time my alarm clock told me to have a good day

When I drew Klaus the Nazi goldfish in my German Language textbook...

Patrick and I were toy car shopping at Toys R Us when we found this beaut:

The day I joined the Porn Industry: 

When I went loopy for fruit loops

The worst photo shoot in history...

The day we set up Brad's 80 inch TV

Humiliating Scooter. Again.

When David had to lift the hood of his car and do mechanic things at the worst time

30 Day invisible illness challenge: Day 15

Day Fifteen: 

The hardest thing to accept about my new reality is: 

This disease will never go away.

It's crushing to remember that there is no cure for endometriosis. When I'm having a bad pain day I think when I'm better I'll be so happy. But... this won't happen. I don't mean to say that I can never be happy-- that's awful. But there's no cure for endometriosis. My doctor has tried just about every treatment on me, from cancer treating Leuprolide to an alternative use of Botox. So far, the only "treatment" that works for me is surgery. After a pelvic laparoscopy (I've had two) I'm extremely sore and tender for a month and a half. Then, wonderfully, I am pain free for about 6 months.

Doctors are always very reluctant to perform operations. They will do anything and everything before they put you on the operating table. Surgery is scary and awful, but at the same time, so awesome. You get the best pain relief and you feel awesome for up to a year after.

My first real gynecologist, the doctor that did my first surgery, told me after my diagnosis that this is something I would have to learn to live with. Endometriosis doesn't go away. A hysterectomy provides relief for some, but it's not a guaranteed cure. Endometriosis can still come back, even if the uterus and ovaries are removed.

My mother and I were in tears during my diagnosis 4 years ago, and not much has changed since. It's a constant battle. I hate complaining about my pain, because I don't want to drag my loved ones into this vortex of misery. 

Me after work/school on bad pain days:

So, really, the hardest thing to accept about my life with endometriosis is that it won't change, and the doctors won't have a cure for me. I'm hoping for a treatment that will alleviate my pain enough so I can resume an active lifestyle. 

Because I would like to resume this part of my life, preferably without pain.

And this, I miss this. My friend Dominique, at left, Scooter in the middle, and me at right.

Endometriosis doesn't stop me from doing things, but it makes most things tremendously difficult. Riding horses, for instance, is hard with endo because it takes a lot of core strength. I'm into riding bareback and free riding (I ride scooter with no saddle, bridle, halter, nothing-- completely free) and it's really hard on the abdominal muscles. Physical activity makes my pain really bad and makes me bleed, so it just doesn't feel worth it.

Endometriosis will not go away, and it's crushing each and every time I'm reminded.

30 Day invisible illness challenge: Day 7

Day Seven:

My favorite medical TV show is...

Is this a real challenge question? How is this relevant to raising endometriosis awareness? Well, since I've committed to taking the challenge I will of course participate in today's question. 

My favorite medical TV show is: The Incredible Dr. Pol. 

It's about an old Dutch immigrant should-probably-be-retired veterinarian. He's awesome. For surgeries he just tosses anesthetized animals onto a table without an IV line and whips up a surgery in like, ten minutes (I don't actually know but he's awesome).

In all seriousness, Dr. Pol inspires me on my road to becoming a veterinary technician. I'm so excited to go to vet school. Watching Dr. Pol pull calves and suture wounds makes me really happy and inspired. I love animals and I can tell that he loves them too. 

In one episode I got very emotional, as Dr. Pol was called to euthanize a horse. This horse was 28 years old and suffered terribly in the winters because of his arthritis. The euthanasia was performed in the summer while the horse was perfectly healthy. They filmed the entire procedure and I cried. I didn't just cry, I cried. 

kind of like this.

The main reason why this made me so upset was because the case reminded me of my beloved horse, Scooter. He is also in his late 20's, and he also suffers with Arthritis. I do everything I can to make sure he doesn't suffer- he's on a regular Legend shot, and he takes a quarter tablet of Prevacox with his mash every day. Even though I am doing everything in my power to ensure his quality of life, I know that one day my beloved will take that journey. If you've had to make the decision to put a beloved pet to sleep, you know how terribly difficult and heart wrenching it is. I bawled my eyes out during this episode of Dr. Pol because saying goodbye to my wonderful Scooter is easily my very worst fear. 

So, there's my irrelevant answer for today's question. I should hope tomorrow's challenge question is related to my disease and will help to raise awareness.

Scooter really is the best ever.

Happy Gobble Gobble Day

Hello, gorgeous people! 

How is everyone today? For those of you who don't know, today is the Canadian Thanksgiving. 

I love Thanksgiving, partly because autumn is my favorite season, and turkey dinner is my favorite meal. There are few things better than over sized slouchy sweaters, cool fall days, family gatherings, warm food, a bit of wine, and cuddles with loved ones. 

This year, my Boyfriend's Mother's side of the family are the only ones doing anything for Thanksgiving this year. Believe you me, I am very happy and excited to attend. I'll show up for turkey dinner all early with my own portable cutlery set and I will of course be wearing my eating pants. 

me.

Now it is of course thanksgiving, so I would like to share with you what it is I'm thankful for. Following, in no particular order, is... 

The Official List of 

Things that Captain Lakie is Thankful For 

1. My Family 

From left to right: Captain Lakie, Lakie JR, Grandpa Lakie, Lil Lakie, Brother Lakie, August 2012

I know everyone says it, but it's true! I am so thankful for my family! I am ever so thankful for my family as well as my boyfriend's family. They are all so very loving and accepting, and they allow me to be myself. They let me fly my dork flag. They accept me even though I belong in the looney bin. All of you are beautiful and wonderful and I love you all.

2. My Boyfriend

Boyfriend and Scooter, October 2014

I love him. When things aren't going well he does what it takes to make it right. He's caring and devoted and supportive and kind. I am very fortunate to be with this wonderful man. We've learned so much from one another and we're always willing to make our love last. When I'm not feeling well he'll offer to make me a hot water bottle and get me comfortable. He took me to my last surgery, and waited for me at the hospital. At the end of the day we're a team and I wouldn't trade that for anything.    

3. My Dog

Clancey, 7 months old, March 2014

My wee little Clancey is the most loving and forgiving member of my family. I can't tell you enough how much I love that little munchkin. When I'm feeling ill, he knows it and he just cuddles up with me and watches over me while I rest. He is playful and curious, and I would like to see the world through his eyes. This dog loves unconditionally. I can't stop spoiling him... because I work at a pet shop it's very easy for me to come home with presents for him very often! (He deserves them all, of course!)

4. My Horse

Scooter and I, the day we moved the horses to our new property

My horse, Scooter, is the love of my life. He is part of my soul and I love him so very much. We are cheeky partners in crime, and I love how he and I get along so well. Together we are a team and when I'm with my horse I feel peaceful and happy. He has a strong, independent personality, and I admire him very much. He has these soft, kind eyes and when you look at my horse you get the feeling that he has seen so very much in his time. Scooter's history is a mystery to us (we don't even know for sure how old he really is). I treasure each moment I have with my horse. His favorite snack is a banana, and he really is a cheeky monkey. 

5. My Hamsters

Sunny exploring the new back yard, September 2014

I am very thankful for my three hamsters, Sunny, Brave (aka Newman), and Pumpkin. I initially adopted Sunny in 2013 because I am chronically ill and I wanted company while I was in bed. I got Brave because he was very badly injured from his time in the pet store and desperately needed to see a vet. and Pumpkin was given to me as a gift. All three of these fluffy little critters bring me so much joy. I love taking care of them, and I find a lot of joy in caring for them. 

6. My Body

I'm laying on a road.

I have always thought of myself and my body as two separate entities. We look after one another and coexist in a beautiful symbiotic relationship. I believe in souls, and I think that our bodies are simply just the beautiful, fragile shells that we occupy. My body happens to be stuck with an incurable disease called Endometriosis. I've been struggling with pain since I was 13 years old, but it was in 2010 that my condition really started going downhill. My body and I have been through 2 surgeries and a number of harsh and ineffective treatments. The disease has been an enormous challenge. I am very thankful for my body. Even though it deals with severe pelvic inflammation, having multiple internal organs and ligaments bonded together with adhesions, and chronic pain and chronic fatigue, my body still keeps running and looks after me. For that, I am very thankful.   

7. My Home

My very own barn!

This summer, I moved to a small acreage outside of town. I love it because I can keep all my animals together in one place. I am so very grateful and thankful that my horse is safe and sound in my own backyard, has a cozy barn for those cold winter nights, and a lovely pasture with lush green grass to eat. 

8. Animals

This bird decided that we should be friends, August 2014

I'm far from perfect. I am very imperfect, actually. There are a lot of things that I'm not good at, things I'm embarrassed and shy about, and things that I would change. I have a hard time connecting with people, but I can always connect with animals. I am so very thankful that there are animals in this world, so I have a way of expressing and receiving love. Animals do not judge and they accept your for who you are. They know a good heart, and they will love and appreciate you for it. A horse will free your soul, a dog will heal your heart, and ducks just make everything better. I think so, anyways. 

9. My job

Selfie at my old job as a kennel tech. I love taking care of animals!

I complain about it a lot because, frankly, it's boring. But at the end of the day it means I get to educate people on how to properly feed their animals. I teach people how to feed their dogs and cats food to give them a long, happy, healthy life. I like helping people solve their pets' health issues, and it feels really good knowing that people love their pets and are willing to take proper care of them. By feeding your pets healthy food, you're giving them the best chance at life. I like being the person that teaches pet owners how to feed their animals a nourishing diet. That's pretty damn cool!

10. Self Expression

I express individuality through snapchat and hamsters, among other things.

 

Before I composed this post, I was reading through my last blog, The Cinema Club and I was thinking about how fortunate I am to be able to express myself. I am thankful that I am able to use writing and humor as a means of emotional release. I am also so very grateful that my family and friends allow me to be myself. That is very important, and we really should not overlook such a beautiful gift.

That's all for today. Time to go eat some Turkey!

Cheers,

Captain Lakie, the Silly Mallard

I express myself a whole lot more over on the twitter. Follow me? @CaptainLakie

   

 

 

 

  

  

 

Castle Lakie and Chicken Dinner

Good evening Liebens!

How is everybody? I'm in a good mood today! I had a really nice relaxing day off. To wrap up the evening I decided to play outside! 

I absolutely love when we get an Indian Summer here in Alberta. Today was one of those most beautiful autumn days... Picture big blue skies, green grass, golden leaves, and all the wonderful smells of autumn. I was sitting on the back deck with my little Clancey, who might I add, made a full recovery. 

I decided that I would love to go ride my horse into the sunset. It was a weird feeling, riding my horse around my own back yard! It was surreal and blissful. I rode my horse up to the living room window 

and giggled as I spied on my mother and brother in the kitchen. My little dog Clancey is very very protective over my family and I, and he wasn't particularly happy that I was perched bareback atop a big horse; far too high off the ground for a little yorkie dog to do any protecting. 

The curious Clancey watches Scooter and I through the window

Off into the sunset we go!

What a beautiful evening. And I can honestly say that this whole Farmerhood adventure is going over quite well! Dinner tonight is roasted chicken with mushroom rice, asparagus, and garden salad. Puppy supper is Merrik's Wingaling with fresh chicken mixed in. Right now I'm relaxing with a glass of wine while dinner cooks. Oh, bliss. 

Welcome home, Ponies!

Good evening beautiful people! How is everyone?

I'm feeling a whole bunch of things right now... Like, I've felt either ends of the spectrum. I had a total of 3 mental breakdowns today, but I also had an amazing and memorable evening. Allow me to elaborate.

My first and dearly beloved hamster, Sunny, is very sick right now. Sunny is my white and golden long haired Syrian hamster. I bought Sunny in 2013 from the pet store I used to work at.

Look at that cute face!!!

Since bringing him home, I've learned that Sunny has chronic respiratory problems, likely athsma. My poor little guy had a weakened immune system and catches my colds. He's sensitive to temperature and humidity, and his athsma flares up when it gets dusty. I love my little "Sun-Buns", and I've been absolutely heart broken since he got sick again. It kills me to see him struggling to breathe and sneezing all the time. He's lost so much weight and his fur is all rumpled. I've been giving him antibiotics, and hand feeding him nutrient and calorie rich foods, like egg, yogurt, spray millet, and lettuce. His condition seems to improve, then it quickly declines and I fear for his little life. Then he'll pick back up again and I feel optimistic. I really hope that he'll pull through. I don't want to have to make the decision to put him down. It's such a heartbreaking thought and it's had me emotionally wrecked all day. 

I had three breakdowns, the first occurring on my way to work. While on the phone with my boyfriend, I just burst into tears and bawled about how much I didn't want to go to work. When I finally did get to work and I saw how much stock came in, I burst into tears again. I looked at the towers of 30LB dog food bags and wept like a child. Later that afternoon Sunny was on my mind and I was scared that he had passed away while I was at work, then what I would have to do if he didn't get better. So I cried and then my nose bled. 

I did get to leave work early, which was fantastic. I stopped by  michael's arts and crafts store, to try to cheer myself up. I love making scrapbooks, and I have this unhealthy addiction to scrapbooking stickers. So I spent some time picking out stickers and I started to feel a bit better. In the meantime, I discovered that my favourite scrapbooks are on buy one get one. I wanted to get the lilac coloured one and a black one soooo bad. But I didn't really want to pay $30 bucks. The struggle. Next I went to homesense and bought a mirror for my makeup vanity. I also sent to Pet Smart and bought this adorable little fleece blankie for Sunny. It's baby blue and so comfy. I figured it would be a cozy little blankie to wrap him up in while he gets his antibiotics and hand feedings. 

Christ almighty! Castle Lakie has the worst internet ever. Like it takes a solid five minutes to send a tweet. I'm trying to look up funny pictures but I can just go ahead and forget about that idea because it'll take a hundred damn years to load. 

Sorry guys, if this post makes no sense whatsoever I apologize. This is me right now: 

I'm in no state to be blogging. OH WELL. 

The highlight of my day was finally moving the horses so Castle Lakie. Scooter and Bella are happy as clams and I can't freakin believe that my horse is in my yard! This is a dream come true! 

To celebrate, I drank a glass of wine while sitting on my horse, Scooter. Then I rode Bella, my mom's horse. What a great evening! 

My pain has been so bad lately. Last night it woke me up and kept me up. The pain was so much I couldn't get up to get some water to take my pills with. So I suffered until I managed to nod off again. Lifting all that heavy dog food at work really isn't doing me any good.  So that brings me to where I am now... In bed, high as a kite, blogging. 

As of right now, the way I'm seeing things, Sunny is alive, Scooter is in my yard, so life is good.

Good night Everyone! 

-CaptainLakie 

Moving in

Good evening, Liebens!

So much exciting news! First and foremost to report is my current living situation. See, for the first time in over 10 years, I've moved! And goodness does it ever feel strange... This new room of mine is gorgeous- it's like a little studio apartment. Sleeping in a new room, a new house, makes me feel as though I'm in a vacation house or something. But seeing my furniture, sleeping in my bed... It's so odd. Pardon me, the last time I moved it was 12 years ago and I was 10 years old. I barely remember the experience. 

I love my new room, and I've been having a blast getting it set up this weekend. There are many things that I love about the new house and my new room. I am particularly excited about my makeshift makeup vanity. 

Ain't it pretty?

My new place makes me feel like royalty so from now on, I shall refer to my house as 
Castle Lakie. 

What I am most excited about is embarking upon Farmerhood. Err... I believe that's the correct term? This new house we've moved into is on an acreage, complete with horse pasture and *drumroll* a barn! This means I can keep my loyal steed, Scooter, in my own goddamn backyard. 

Scooter is my best friend, truly the love of my life. So having him so close by (AKA 10 feet out my back door) it's.... well frankly it's fucking amazing. I CANNOT WAIT to trailer my horses over (this weekend perhaps). I can only begin to imagine the kind of shenanigans we will get up to...

We're the shenanigans type.

Unfortunately, I've been rendered just about useless thanks to my diseased pelvis. My endometriosis has been flaring up really bad these past couple days. Between hauling around 30lb bags of dog food at work and moving boxes around my new house, my pain has been flaring so bad lately and- surprise- I've been bleeding rather heavily. My pain reached a lovely level 9 yesterday, which has made enthusiastically unpacking boxes and building cheap ass Target furniture rather hard. 

For those of you who don't know, a 9 on the pain scale is a big fucking deal. I found this hilarious endometriosis pain chart on the twitter and I think it's worth sharing:

The last time my pain had been this bad, I reached a 10 and fainted and vomited in the back room of my old job at a different pet store. After a 10 hour shift My Beloved took me to the hospital where I was put on a morphine drip. (I was fired from that job the next day which  almost makes that the worst 48 hours in the history of my existence).  

Anyways...

I still don't have internet (I drafted this post on Monday, August 11th) but when I get connected, I promise to share pictures of Castle Lakie. 

Until then, take care and thanks for reading! 

~Captain Lakie