Working girl

A couple posts ago I happily announced that I was unemployed. This has changed, and I am working one day a week back at the pet shop. 

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a bit nervous. I've only been away for a month, but I'm paranoid that I'll get to the store and forget how to use the till and forget the alarm code. Seriously, I think this will be me on Sunday: 

I'm surrounded by dog food and I am confused

Realistically I'll probably be fine. It's just like they say about riding a bike. You never forget. ... right? 

I am a bit excited to be back at work. Not having any income is seriously stressful to me. Even though I'm only working one day a week, it's an extra $88 in my pocket so how could I complain?

Me.

So, I'm currently in class and I'm having a bit of fun. I've been selected to be an editor for my news projects class, and I'm enjoying the role quite a bit.

See, I love writing. I majored in English at the University of Calgary for a few years (though never completed my degree because I was happy to accept an invitation to study journalism at a different school). I love academic writing, and I love editing these papers too. 

I've found that news writing isn't my preferred style of writing. It's a bit difficult to grasp, and many of my classmates struggle with it. A lot of the pieces that I edit see impossible to salvage, so it's a fun challenge to turn them into decent pieces. 

So far this morning I've completed 2 edits, and I am currently editing my 3rd story for the day. 

I'm editing students' work all serious like.

 This semester has been going fairly well so far. I don't feel like I'm overwhelmed and dying (partly due to my lack of job, I think). I feel pretty ok, and I think the nice weather (+14 in January in Calgary WHAT) really helps improve my mood and productivity.

Speaking of productivity, I would like to mention that my body improvement campaign is producing results. HUZZAH! I'm sticking to my "diet" (aka skipping white rice, bread, juice, soda, and other crap) and eating lean protein and veggies. I've noticed some bloating going down in my tummy, and some weight lost off my hips. 

I'm still struggling a bit with yoga and workouts. They really trigger my pain, to a point where I wonder if the exercise is even worth it. Yesterday I felt so ill, I slept and laid down for most of the day. I ran a fever and got so sweaty my clothes got wet and I felt sweat running down my back and my legs. What the hell... I'm telling you guys, Endometriosis is an evil disease. 

If you have endometriosis, this is what the inside of your pelvis looks like.

I still lust after those Victoria's Secret abs, so I shall persist. 

I had an ultrasound down yesterday, as ordered by my doctor. I've been peeing blood off and on for several months now, and doc wants to rule out tumors on the bladder as a cause. Can't be too careful, right? My specialist strongly thinks that the endometriosis has spread onto my ureter and/or bladder, and that is the cause of my painful and bloody peeing. Doesn't that sound so glorious and attractive? Ha. 

I'm still frustrated with my body and my doctors. I've been seriously ill for 5 years now and my condition only seems to be getting worse. 

An accurate depiction of how I feel dealing with doctors and a chronic illness: 

  

On that note, I hope you all have a great day and an awesome weekend! 

Squaaaaaats!

Good morning everyone, 

I am in a horrible mood today. Why? 
On Sunday I had the brilliant idea of doing a 100 rep squat challenge. Fuck. Considering I just started working out again a few short days ago, this was a bad idea. I was able to do the challenge without much of a problem (or so I thought). Turns out, I did my squats completely wrong, so now it's my thighs (quads) that are KILLING ME. Seriously. I struggle to get up and down the stairs and sitting down is too hard. What have I done??? Stupid. 

How I'm walking right now.

I've also learned that these workouts aren't doing my endo pain any good. The yoga feels pretty good but it's triggering my bowel endo and that's no fun. Is it worth it? I'm not sure yet. 

I have been adjusting my diet, and that's going well. I've been depressed so I'm not inclined to eat. When I do eat I'm doing well at picking healthier things. Plus I've added more veggies to my diet and it's pretty awesome. At least that is going well. Any improvement in my endo symptoms? Nope. I remain hopeful (but skeptical). 

I'm feeling completely blue. I'm a bit behind on my school work. I've been having some family issues lately and I feel like a complete and total mess. Sigh. I want to skip school to sleep. Just sleep, forever. Oh yes.

Throwback Thursday: Who's That Chick?

Hello, pretty people! How is everyone today? 

I've been stuck in this rut these past couple weeks. I've been in quite a bit of pain, as my endometriosis has flared considerably. I feel unattractive and just so very bleh. Every morning I look at myself in the mirror like: 

Really. I'm somewhat convinced that I'm gross and old and doomed to be sore for the rest of forever. How downer is that? Pathetic, really. 

I reached a new low today when I paid $206 for Botox at the pharmacy. Yes, Botox. My specialist wants to botox my tummy, because apparently that will help with my chronic allodynia. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that those injections will freeze the nerves enough to provide me with some relief. It had better... that was pretty expensive and I'm far from rich. 

I totally fell of the wagon when it came to my diet, and recently I've been inspired to go back on said diet. For a number of reasons. First and foremost, I stumbled upon this picture of me from a couple of years ago, when I was studying at the University of Calgary:

I miss my hair. And my body.

My jaw dropped when I saw how skinny I was. I miss that body, quite a bit. I took that photo when I was trying on new sweatpants. I obviously couldn't find a pair that fit. 

Not only do I miss that body, but I miss that hair. It was so long! And so red! So very #ThrowbackThursday

Unfortunately that photo was taken at a time when I was severely heartbroken and unhealthy. I was that skinny because I was undergoing treatment for my endometriosis which had me bleeding heavily for months on end, and I was so weak I would faint while going up and down the stairs. 

So obviously I don't want to look severely ill again. But I would certainly like to slim down and get down to 105lbs.

I would also love to have that long hair again! I'm in the process of growing mine out right now (slowly but surly) and I'm dying it cherry red again on Saturday. How exciting.

Diets are hard.

Hello, beautiful people! How is everyone today? 

I happen to be pretty goddamn cranky. Why? Why you ask? Let me tell you why...

I'm on a diet.

And apparently I'm not handling it too well. See, I'm on a diet because my chronic pain associated with endometriosis has gotten to the point where I'm really just perpetually sore and miserable. I figured that trying out the Endometriosis Diet would do me some good. So far all it's done for me is helped with digestion and made me EVER SO CRANKY. I want carbs, man! So many carbs. Omg carbs. I love carbs. 

I seriously wish this was me right now.

But no. Instead I'm at work going a little bit crazy with a growling stomach. 

See, since I've been on this diet (about a week or two now???...) I haven't noticed a reduction in pain. On the contrary... I've noticed an increase in pain. Realistically though, I carry around 28 pound bags of dog food at work and I've been moving houses, and endometriosis doesn't like lifting and physical activity, so perhaps that's why my pain has flared. I really wish I could see some progress with this diet. I've lost the tiniest bit of weight (mostly from my boobs. Fantastic). And I'm hungry. Like all the goddamn time. 

My Beloved is supportive and wonderful so he is also on this diet with me. While he doesn't have any endometriosis in his pelvis (thank god......) this diet could do him some good too. Problem is, healthy eating is expensive and doesn't leave you feeling as satisfied as, say, a steak dinner would. Ugh. I really can't express how thankful I am for my boyfriend to be on this diet with me. The support is amazing. He helps me through my moments of weakness and tears me away from the fried chicken sandwiches. Oh god. Fried chicken. Sandwiches. FOOD. I want it all. 

Hope you all have a great day and aren't as hungry as I am. 

~Captain Lakie, the Silly Mallard.