30 Day invisible illness challenge: Day 18

Day Eighteen: 

Something I really miss doing since my diagnosis is: 

Horseback riding 

I've talked about this a fair bit throughout this challenge, because it's a big issue for me. Horseback riding is part of who I am. I am very good at it, and I love doing it. 

Scooter and I in 2012

While I still rode after my diagnosis, I've found that as the disease has spread, it's gotten more and more difficult to ride. I can ride both English and Western style, but I've always preferred English and I love to jump. English riding, and jumping in particular, takes a lot of core strength. I do most of my riding bareback, so staying in 2point position is hard on the abs and legs. This wasn't a problem for me for the longest time, as I was very fit and active. As I've slipped further into my chronic illness, it's become harder and harder to ride. After a workout, whether it be riding horses or doing yoga, I find that I start to bleed heavily and I get terrible cramps and pain.

Me riding a pony named Faith in late August 2011

Riding is something I miss doing, to the point where I can't take it and I hop on my poor retired horse and go for a spin. It's always wonderful, even when he tries to buck me off (this happens more than I'd like to admit-- he knows he's retired and doesn't like going back to work). Even though the feeling of bliss and joy that comes from being on a horse fills my heart with happiness, the pain and bleeding that follows squashes my high spirits. For a school project in 2014, I decided to take a risk and hired an outfitter to take me up into the mountains in North Western Alberta for three days. I took a bottle of Tramadol and a bottle of Tylenol 4, packed some warm layers, and drove North for 7 hours until I reached the outfitter's ranch. We took a total of 4 horses up into the bush, and I researched the impact that forest fire prevention had on local wildlife (if you're interested, you can view my story Where are the Wild Things? here.) The trip was hard on my body, and I found myself trying to dry-swallow Tramacet while riding a horse 6-hours into East Jesus Nowhere.

My guide stopped us on a ridge and pointed out the trees of Wilmore Wilderness Park

The trip was really cool and I produced an article that I am still very proud of. I experienced a fair bit of pain and bleeding on the trip, and believe you me, I was pretty nervous about bleeding like that out in the middle of nowhere with a guide that didn't have a gun in the heart of bear season.

So yes, I do occasionally ride even though my endometriosis is near-debilitating. I just miss doing it on a regular basis. I miss doing it every day. I miss smelling like horses and saddle leather. I miss having hay in my hair and horse snot on my jacket. I miss wearing my worn-in boots, and I miss jumping on my horse and going for a wild gallop. I miss having my heart in my throat as my horse and I approached a 5-foot fence, and I miss the rush and bliss after landing perfectly. 

I will ride again one day. And it will be awesome. 

I'm taking Scooter for a little cruise while wearing plaid slippers.