My Wish for Canada

I want Canadians, and immigrants, to do a little bit of reading on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Learn what it is, why it's there, and what it represents. Then I want you to remember that a Canadian soldier was shot in the back while he was guarding this sacred memorial.

Stop excusing and justifying the radical hatred spewing from the Islamic State and grow some pride for you country. Show some respect and take a moment to remember and honor those that sacrificed more than you can fathom so that we as Canadians can live in freedom.

All gave some, some gave all.
We will remember them.

I'm ready to quit

I can't do it anymore. 
I'm being stretched too far and I'm too incompetent to keep up with my schedule. I feel like I'm drowning. I've had enough of school. I haven't had a break from school ever. I'm supposed to graduate in the Spring but I desperately want to drop out because I can't keep up. The workload is heavy, and that combined with my job and trying to continue day to day while my body is trying to kill me... I just can't do it. 

This morning I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and my cramps were so bad and I was bleeding so heavily and the pain was nagging and nagging and all I could think is how badly I wanted to go back to bed. I had only been out of bed for 10 minutes. So I swallowed some pain killers and away we go! Walking around campus is fun when you're bleeding so heavily that you can physically feel it, and the cramps are so bad your face looks a little bit odd. I'm bloated like a whale and I don't have much mobility in my left leg again. 

In October my thoughts on school and my health were a bit like... 

 

But then things started going down hill... 

 

 I want to quit.

Drugs and Things

Hello, beautiful people!

I'm composing this post from my iPad, at work. I'm beginning to think that perhaps I'm a bit too productive for my own good when it comes to my job. I get all the chores and cleaning done rather quickly so I don't have anything left to do for the remained for my 8 hour shift. 

One of my more recent projects was re-marching the shop's Kong toy section. 

It's a mess, really.

As per re-merching habit, I pulled everything off the wall and started from scratch. I think I got everything nicely organized and I showcased some of the cutest toys we offer. 

Tada! It's so nice and neat now.

Kong makes some cute toys

Some of these Kong toys are absolutely adorable. Here are two of my favorites...

little squeaky jelly piggie!

Is this a koala? A Wombat?! All I know is that it's really cute and I want one.

After I finished the kong section I went on to re-merch all the cat toys. I kept busy. 

Today I strategically put away all the new cat trees and restocked our raw freezer. Now I'm left to type away at my blog amongst towers of boxes that need to be taken out for recycling at the end of the day. Such a good employee, aren't I? 

Lately my endometriosis has been acting up. Since my trip to urgent care, I've found that I've been bleeding each time I pee. It's now gotten so painful to pee that I dread using the washroom. It feels as though the right side of my pelvis is being pulled and yanked on and believe you me that's not a comfortable feeling. Unbelievable cramps ensue, though luckily don't seem to last long after my pee break. So what the hell is up? I mentioned this to my specialist, and he suspects either immense inflammation or endometriosis on the bladder are to blame. Luckily we have a course of action. Next Thursday I'll be seeing my specialist for the worst doctors appointment ever. We will be removing my IUD, administering a depot provera injection, and injecting Botox down my abdomen and on my, well...  Ahem my lady bits. DOES THIS NOT SOUND HORRIBLE?? Apparently the Botox will help with my allodynia so I'm trusting doc on this one. 

Needless to say, I will be taking a lot of pain killers prior to this appointment of death. Speaking of drugs, I've been back on the pills again, rather heavy like. My pain has been bad and I've had these horrible cramps, especially after bathroom visits. I've been taking lots of Tramadol, which sadly isn't doing too much for the pain. I need to take close to 6 tablets to get me through an 8 hour shift following a morning and afternoon of classes. That's pretty fucked up. That's a lot of narcotics. Do you know what that makes me look like??? Crazy, that's what. Or a junkie. Or both.

So high right now

This post is all over the place and for that I apologize. Before I end this post however I would like to share with you the thing that's had me excited lately. 

I'm pretty big into scrapbooking (I've spent too much money on it is really what I'm saying) and I love to give scrapbooks to my boyfriend as gifts. They're always unique and heartfelt and fun to look through. Lately I've been wanting some scrapbooks for myself, especially after my beloved Sunny passed away last week. So I finally got a scrapbooking desk all set up for myself. Castle Lakie now feels a little more homey, now that I have a room to escape to! I believe that creative outlets are important, and nothing beats the blues quite like artistic expression. I'm so stoked about my little scrapbooking space that I can't wait to work on my new project. 

Isn't it the cutest ever??? I was way too excited to start a project right away, even though I didn't have any photos for a scrapbook at the time. So I got the hamsters food jars and labeled them all fancy like. 

My hammies eat a nutritious diet of mixed fruit, seeds, nuts, and special hamster cookies

So cute right!?

I love stickers. 

That's all for today, folks. 

-Captain Lakie, the Silly Mallard

The black flag

Southern Alberta is in a state of doom and gloom. 

First and foremost, our country is at war. Recently there was an attack on parliament hill, where a lone Islamic gunman shot and killed the soldier guarding the war memorial. Earlier that week, more Muslims ran over two Canadian soldiers and killed one in a Montreal strip mall. More than 167 Muslims residing in Canada have left to join the Islamic State. The amount of filth spewing from the Middle East is disturbing to me, and I have been voicing my opinions on Twitter quite a bit this week. Canadian flags are currently flown at half mast, as they should be. I have our soldiers best interests in mind and at heart, and I am reluctant to admit that war is even close to necessary. Recently I have come to believe that our occupation in the Middle East is as close as we may get to necessary. In the time being I would admire the government for closing its doors on Islamic immigrants but of course that won't happen, as no one can kick up a stink quite like the Muslims (find this offensive? bite me, bitch). I am done with having "the Muslims are so very peaceful" shoved down my throat. Stop killing my soldiers, stop complaining about my Christmas lights, and stop glaring at me from behind the shade of your hijab and perhaps I will come to reconsider. I understand that Islam in Christianity are similar in their laws and values and I acknowledge that the extremists and terrorists do not represent the majority of the religious population. But right now, we are at war and I'm not going to sit here all polite and quiet as the rudest people I have ever met come into my country, my province, my city, and tell me to change my religious traditions because it contradicts theirs. 

The black flag does not make me afraid. I do not quake in my boots and I feel no urge to convert my beliefs. The black flag makes me proud of who I am. It gives me strength in knowing that Canadian soldiers will do whatever is necessary to protect this great land from such treachery. 

Fuck your jihad. 

Sunset

Today I had to say goodbye to my beloved Sunny.

Rest in Peace my beloved SunBuns, my Golden Boy, my little buddy. 

 

❤

 

I love you, Sunny

Throwback Thursday: Who's That Chick?

Hello, pretty people! How is everyone today? 

I've been stuck in this rut these past couple weeks. I've been in quite a bit of pain, as my endometriosis has flared considerably. I feel unattractive and just so very bleh. Every morning I look at myself in the mirror like: 

Really. I'm somewhat convinced that I'm gross and old and doomed to be sore for the rest of forever. How downer is that? Pathetic, really. 

I reached a new low today when I paid $206 for Botox at the pharmacy. Yes, Botox. My specialist wants to botox my tummy, because apparently that will help with my chronic allodynia. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that those injections will freeze the nerves enough to provide me with some relief. It had better... that was pretty expensive and I'm far from rich. 

I totally fell of the wagon when it came to my diet, and recently I've been inspired to go back on said diet. For a number of reasons. First and foremost, I stumbled upon this picture of me from a couple of years ago, when I was studying at the University of Calgary:

I miss my hair. And my body.

My jaw dropped when I saw how skinny I was. I miss that body, quite a bit. I took that photo when I was trying on new sweatpants. I obviously couldn't find a pair that fit. 

Not only do I miss that body, but I miss that hair. It was so long! And so red! So very #ThrowbackThursday

Unfortunately that photo was taken at a time when I was severely heartbroken and unhealthy. I was that skinny because I was undergoing treatment for my endometriosis which had me bleeding heavily for months on end, and I was so weak I would faint while going up and down the stairs. 

So obviously I don't want to look severely ill again. But I would certainly like to slim down and get down to 105lbs.

I would also love to have that long hair again! I'm in the process of growing mine out right now (slowly but surly) and I'm dying it cherry red again on Saturday. How exciting.

Happy Gobble Gobble Day

Hello, gorgeous people! 

How is everyone today? For those of you who don't know, today is the Canadian Thanksgiving. 

I love Thanksgiving, partly because autumn is my favorite season, and turkey dinner is my favorite meal. There are few things better than over sized slouchy sweaters, cool fall days, family gatherings, warm food, a bit of wine, and cuddles with loved ones. 

This year, my Boyfriend's Mother's side of the family are the only ones doing anything for Thanksgiving this year. Believe you me, I am very happy and excited to attend. I'll show up for turkey dinner all early with my own portable cutlery set and I will of course be wearing my eating pants. 

me.

Now it is of course thanksgiving, so I would like to share with you what it is I'm thankful for. Following, in no particular order, is... 

The Official List of 

Things that Captain Lakie is Thankful For 

1. My Family 

From left to right: Captain Lakie, Lakie JR, Grandpa Lakie, Lil Lakie, Brother Lakie, August 2012

I know everyone says it, but it's true! I am so thankful for my family! I am ever so thankful for my family as well as my boyfriend's family. They are all so very loving and accepting, and they allow me to be myself. They let me fly my dork flag. They accept me even though I belong in the looney bin. All of you are beautiful and wonderful and I love you all.

2. My Boyfriend

Boyfriend and Scooter, October 2014

I love him. When things aren't going well he does what it takes to make it right. He's caring and devoted and supportive and kind. I am very fortunate to be with this wonderful man. We've learned so much from one another and we're always willing to make our love last. When I'm not feeling well he'll offer to make me a hot water bottle and get me comfortable. He took me to my last surgery, and waited for me at the hospital. At the end of the day we're a team and I wouldn't trade that for anything.    

3. My Dog

Clancey, 7 months old, March 2014

My wee little Clancey is the most loving and forgiving member of my family. I can't tell you enough how much I love that little munchkin. When I'm feeling ill, he knows it and he just cuddles up with me and watches over me while I rest. He is playful and curious, and I would like to see the world through his eyes. This dog loves unconditionally. I can't stop spoiling him... because I work at a pet shop it's very easy for me to come home with presents for him very often! (He deserves them all, of course!)

4. My Horse

Scooter and I, the day we moved the horses to our new property

My horse, Scooter, is the love of my life. He is part of my soul and I love him so very much. We are cheeky partners in crime, and I love how he and I get along so well. Together we are a team and when I'm with my horse I feel peaceful and happy. He has a strong, independent personality, and I admire him very much. He has these soft, kind eyes and when you look at my horse you get the feeling that he has seen so very much in his time. Scooter's history is a mystery to us (we don't even know for sure how old he really is). I treasure each moment I have with my horse. His favorite snack is a banana, and he really is a cheeky monkey. 

5. My Hamsters

Sunny exploring the new back yard, September 2014

I am very thankful for my three hamsters, Sunny, Brave (aka Newman), and Pumpkin. I initially adopted Sunny in 2013 because I am chronically ill and I wanted company while I was in bed. I got Brave because he was very badly injured from his time in the pet store and desperately needed to see a vet. and Pumpkin was given to me as a gift. All three of these fluffy little critters bring me so much joy. I love taking care of them, and I find a lot of joy in caring for them. 

6. My Body

I'm laying on a road.

I have always thought of myself and my body as two separate entities. We look after one another and coexist in a beautiful symbiotic relationship. I believe in souls, and I think that our bodies are simply just the beautiful, fragile shells that we occupy. My body happens to be stuck with an incurable disease called Endometriosis. I've been struggling with pain since I was 13 years old, but it was in 2010 that my condition really started going downhill. My body and I have been through 2 surgeries and a number of harsh and ineffective treatments. The disease has been an enormous challenge. I am very thankful for my body. Even though it deals with severe pelvic inflammation, having multiple internal organs and ligaments bonded together with adhesions, and chronic pain and chronic fatigue, my body still keeps running and looks after me. For that, I am very thankful.   

7. My Home

My very own barn!

This summer, I moved to a small acreage outside of town. I love it because I can keep all my animals together in one place. I am so very grateful and thankful that my horse is safe and sound in my own backyard, has a cozy barn for those cold winter nights, and a lovely pasture with lush green grass to eat. 

8. Animals

This bird decided that we should be friends, August 2014

I'm far from perfect. I am very imperfect, actually. There are a lot of things that I'm not good at, things I'm embarrassed and shy about, and things that I would change. I have a hard time connecting with people, but I can always connect with animals. I am so very thankful that there are animals in this world, so I have a way of expressing and receiving love. Animals do not judge and they accept your for who you are. They know a good heart, and they will love and appreciate you for it. A horse will free your soul, a dog will heal your heart, and ducks just make everything better. I think so, anyways. 

9. My job

Selfie at my old job as a kennel tech. I love taking care of animals!

I complain about it a lot because, frankly, it's boring. But at the end of the day it means I get to educate people on how to properly feed their animals. I teach people how to feed their dogs and cats food to give them a long, happy, healthy life. I like helping people solve their pets' health issues, and it feels really good knowing that people love their pets and are willing to take proper care of them. By feeding your pets healthy food, you're giving them the best chance at life. I like being the person that teaches pet owners how to feed their animals a nourishing diet. That's pretty damn cool!

10. Self Expression

I express individuality through snapchat and hamsters, among other things.

 

Before I composed this post, I was reading through my last blog, The Cinema Club and I was thinking about how fortunate I am to be able to express myself. I am thankful that I am able to use writing and humor as a means of emotional release. I am also so very grateful that my family and friends allow me to be myself. That is very important, and we really should not overlook such a beautiful gift.

That's all for today. Time to go eat some Turkey!

Cheers,

Captain Lakie, the Silly Mallard

I express myself a whole lot more over on the twitter. Follow me? @CaptainLakie